Hold onto your hats

Finally a good picture of me on this blog!

Hola mis amigos! Before I get started, can I just say, Ben -- too much information.

Save the talk about your bowels for your proctologist and the boys down on Christopher Street, for God's sake...

Anyway now that that's out of the way, allow me to introduce myself. John Corbett here, master of ceremonies, (wannabe) rock star extraordinnaire, and, when I need some new shoes, an actor of the old school variety.

I see from the previous posts here that ya'll have gone over my body of work pretty good, and thanks to all the shout outs to my Northern Exposure days. Oh, and also, eat my dust Matthew McCoughnacock! (He he, just kidding, Mattie, you know you my dawg.)

But if you don't mind let's be serious for a minute.

I asked Ben for a chance to take over his little site for a day because I got to get something off my chest. This is something pretty serious, so I'd appreciate it if you take what I've got to say seriously.

Now, I'm sure ya'll heard about the Sex And The City movie. I'm sure you heard it's finished filming and is coming out soon. You may even know that I'm not in it.

What you probably don't know is that I was supposed to be in it.

That's right. Director Michael Patrick King wrote me in, and I participated in four days of filming. The backstory was that I had jumped on top of a man who fell into the subway, and saved his life while a car sped over us. (Just like that guy in New York city really did last year.)

And then Carrie saw it in the paper, and, even though she married Big, got back in contact with me and invited me for coffee, and then congratulated me and told me she felt bad about all the Big stuff. And then I said it was no big deal and confessed I'm having an affair with a Jennifer Hudson, who plays Carrie's assistant.

(By the way, can I just say, J-Hud?! WOW.)

But, and here's the real shit kicker, my part was taken out. That ASSHOLE Darren Star, who is responsible for Beverly Hills 92010 but also a lot of shit like Miss Match with that SKANK Drew Barrymore I mean Alicia Silverstone personally wrote me out of the movie.

Michael Patrick King, who is truly a wonderful guy and who I would have no problem losing my homosexual virginity to metapohorically, fought with Darren and demanded that I be written back in and even threatend to walk.

But since Darren is one of the most important producers his judgment stood and eventually I told MPK not to worry and it wasn't worth losing his job over.

But I am fucking pissed, nonetheless, because I cleared a big WHOLE in my schedule to do this shit, even passed up a part on Bones. And that's why I've decided to give Darren an ultimative and say that if he doesn't put me back in there, I'm going to spoil the whole movie.

That's righty. I'm going to give out ALL the plot ALL over the internet, including right here at my bro-dawg Ben's site the Healthiest Mutherfucking Pimp in Park Slope.

So you've got four days, Star. Suck on that, Ass Hat.